I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
