someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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