I hate your face
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
