please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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