Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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