6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize