you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
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BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
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I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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