He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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