just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
