I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
