I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
