You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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