We won't sleep together?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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