I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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