I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
