just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men