Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"

  (1-916): View more from California

  High five!

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  (916): Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?" (1-916): High five! http://tfl.nu/3w1i
  Replies (2) Good night (2674) Bad night (544)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work

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  (201): I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work http://tfl.nu/3682
  Replies (16) Good night (3367) Bad night (1112)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.

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  (715): just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever. http://tfl.nu/r25i
  Replies (23) Good night (1037) Bad night (6972)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.

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  (706): We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust. http://tfl.nu/qt9y
  Replies (6) Good night (2725) Bad night (956)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.

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  (507): Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss. http://tfl.nu/1ntp
  Replies (10) Good night (5368) Bad night (943)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you

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  (262): he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you http://tfl.nu/6gzr
  Replies (6) Good night (828) Bad night (2401)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?

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  (502): I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that? http://tfl.nu/7r6j
  Replies (14) Good night (1308) Bad night (1736)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.

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  (+44): Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go. http://tfl.nu/hus5
  Replies (10) Good night (2315) Bad night (700)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.

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  (360): Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour. http://tfl.nu/4726
  Replies (2) Good night (1425) Bad night (482)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid

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  (419): i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid http://tfl.nu/fwn3
  Replies (11) Good night (1774) Bad night (709)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.

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  (601): Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm. http://tfl.nu/epij
  Replies (7) Good night (1007) Bad night (473)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.

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  (563): The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka. http://tfl.nu/9mlx
  Replies (6) Good night (626) Bad night (945)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs

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  (941): Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs http://tfl.nu/r0oh
  Replies (13) Good night (2866) Bad night (456)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."

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  (570): I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas." http://tfl.nu/unt9
  Replies (5) Good night (1098) Bad night (524)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.

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  (813): I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom. http://tfl.nu/xrv4
  Replies (6) Good night (262) Bad night (703)

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