That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.