So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.