We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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