Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
