I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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