So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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