He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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