I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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