I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
