Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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