I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
this will be a night to untag.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
