I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
