My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
