Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the day after is always just damage control
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
