I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize