i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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