I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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