I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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