Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
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If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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