my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Operation Purity has been aborted
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
