Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
