I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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