break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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