He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
