It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
