So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
