yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
