I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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