Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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