Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
