Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
