whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
