The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
