No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
