The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
