You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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