I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
