i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
how drunk are you?
Several
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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