im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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