Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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