ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
