ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
