There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
